The Klammies Go Uptown

Tragedy almost struck again when local comedian David Naster attempted to present the award for Song of the Year and found himself the subject of heckling. "Oh, you're busting my balls, Coolio, is that what you're doing?" he queried the unseen verbal assailant. "What's that? Get a toupee? No, it's mine. You've got to get a better heckle line than that," the balding Naster continued before lifting his fist in the air and adding, "Stay in school." Naster's adversary, later identified as S-Wheeler, came downstairs before climbing on stage. Rather than rumble, though, S-Wheeler accepted Naster's invitation to announce the winner, Ultimate Fakebook's "Tell Me What You Want (I'll Be Anything)," a song that the band, ironically, had not played during its blistering set right before intermission.

Upon saying his thank-yous, bass player Nick Colby kidded, "I'm also glad that the Klammies put two Get Up Kids songs (in the category) to split the vote so we had even a chance." Unlike The Get Up Kids, on tour in Australia, Ultimate Fakebook had actually canceled some East Coast shows from an albeit closer location to fly back for the Klammies.

The next award, Album of the Year, also went to Ultimate Fakebook for This Will Be Laughing Week. Frontman Bill McShane acknowledged that even in just getting the nomination, Ultimate Fakebook still faced strong competition. "It's awesome, but there's so many other bands that don't get nominated, and this one is for everybody, because a lot of people say the same bands get nominated. But whatever, man. We're just here to have fun -- and say stupid things like this."

Almost as soon as the speech was over, drummer Eric Melin inadvertently invoked Tech N9ne's latest catchphrase upon realizing he had omitted some of the most important people from his list of thanks. "Jesus, we didn't even thank the fans," he said to his bandmates. Curiously, the Klammy-winning disc will be re-released nationwide by Epic/550 later this year, bringing about questions of some technicalities in the Klammies rulebook. Of a suggested repeat trip, McShane declared without hesitation, "I'd have to call bunk on that."

The final live performance was by Black Crack Revue, known shorthand by BCR. Fitting for a group that has the word crack in its name, it made an entrance from the rear portal of the Uptown and marched up the aisle to play its set. Though nominated for Best Reggae/World Beat Band, an award that went to Common Ground, BCR should still be singled out for yet another Best Dressed nomination, if only for the matching crushed purple jackets two of its members wore. "I got this at Hullabaloo in St. Louis actually about 10 years ago," confided guitarist Joey Skidmore, though founder the Rev. Dwight Frizzell lucked into his. "My mom got it for me," he said.

The last two awards were passed out by 98.9's Johnny Dare and Q104's Shotgun Jackson, standing in for Dare's usual cohort, Murphy Wells. "Murphy couldn't be here tonight. I'm not going to tell you the truth, because you'll be like, 'He's a pig,'" Dare said, hesitating only for a second before divulging what was up. "The truth is two words: cranky hanky." And by saying so, Dare proved himself right.

Still, there was business to be attended to, and the award for Musician of the Year went to Tech N9ne, allowing him to make good on his earlier promise. "I told you we were going to be back up here." Adding two more Klammies to his already impressive count, backstage Tech N9ne revealed what he does with them all. "My wife likes to put them where we put all our wineglasses and stuff. She said you better bring me one so I can add to my collection," he confided, pointing out that the physical Klammy award has gotten much more sophisticated since the first time he took one to her. "The first one was a little bit simpler and this one is beautiful, man. It has all the designs on it and everything. It gets better every year."

Frogpond also has a wagonload of them and got yet another when it won the final award, Band of the Year. "It really means a lot to us. The Kansas City-Lawrence music scene is great and it really makes a difference, I think, to everybody," singer-guitarist Heidi Phillips succinctly said. "We appreciate it all." Her bandmates didn't have anything to add. "They really can speak. Don't let them fool you."

No fooling, the consensus at the afterparty, held at The Velvet Dog, was that the Klammies had another great year, even with the Solé incident. In fact, that no-show might have turned out to be a blessing in disguise because, Jesus knows, no one wanted the Klammies to run as long as the Oscars. A recap of all the music, awards, glamour, and humor that encompassed the fourth annual Klammies (Kansas City/Lawrence Area Music Awards).